'GIN AND JUICE: THE VICTORIAN GUIDE TO PARENTING'...

'So you have fallen pregnant. For a married woman, this should be the happiest news of your life. (For an unmarried woman, I have nothing further to say to you, other than: "repent".)


You will no doubt be excited and relieved to have fulfilled the most important or your duties towards your husband, and I shouldn't wonder that your delicate female heart is filled with some trepidation about the daunting road ahead.


Rest assured: within these pages you will find all the information you need, from the changes your body will undergo during pregnancy to the proper way to approach a fashionable bishop to perform a christening.


One note before we begin. It has become conventional for books to contend that an expectant mother is embarking upon a wonderful, rewarding journey that will put her in touch with Nature and the very core of her womanhood. This is bilge of the most dangerous kind: pregnancy is a positively horrible business, on a par with having to read the works of Mr George Bernard Shaw without recourse to strong drink...
I have known many, many pregnant women, most but not all of them bearers of my own children, and I can say without fear of contradiction that they all hated the experience from Genesis to Revelations.


Good luck!'

SWINDON

As you will no doubt have realised, this is not a genuine tome but a modern day take on the theme of pregnancy and birth as observed by the fictional Swindon. From the introduction by Queen Victoria to the final pages of suggested further reading, with titles such as Gin & Juice - the Cocktail Companion, or Tin and Sluice - Fatherhood the Cornish Way, this book is highly entertaining, though often politically incorrect as you will see from the following pages, with instructions on  

Sensible eating... 

Or advertisements for appropriate clothes for the pregnant woman when camping...

With practical advice on how to handle your child...

Whilst not spending excessive time on those who are better 'seen but not heard'...

The VV very much enjoyed Gin & Juice which often caused her to laugh out loud, for which thanks for the creators Tyers and Beach, and to the book's publishers, Bloomsbury.